my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
