actually, I'm a sock model
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
