nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
