I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
