I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
