theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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