Your face is a jimmy john
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
