He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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