1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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