he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
