Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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