I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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