i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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