Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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