The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
