we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we're making bets on your personal life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
