I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
