Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
