I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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