i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
