fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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