He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
