You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
