if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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