I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
