Moan for me like Helen Keller
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
