So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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