im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
God I need to hump something, right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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