if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
