mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
