those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
