Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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