I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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