so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
