i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I did not marry a roomba.
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