UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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