Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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