I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
how drunk are you?
Several
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
