I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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