My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
