All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
