so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
