haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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