you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
