just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize