i think my mom watched the whole time
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
