Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
