You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
