I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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