as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
