Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
