Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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