Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.