dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
