We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
