There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
