I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
