Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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