My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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