I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
