I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
