I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
