You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
