Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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