Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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