he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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