Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
