Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
