what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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