I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
