He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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