Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
