Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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