So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
