Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
