Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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