Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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