I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
