the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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