The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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