Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
