Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i think im in europe. pls send help
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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