Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
