Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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