Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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