all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
