I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
